


Ask Me Again (I can't deny my love)

by xSmallTownGirlx



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, CS Secret Santa, Captain Swan Secret Santa 2016, Engagement, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Marriage Proposal, Romance, Romantic Gestures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 10:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9119035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSmallTownGirlx/pseuds/xSmallTownGirlx
Summary: CSSS one shot:"Technically, he didn't need to ask David, but it was still important for him to have the blessing of Emma's father. It was a matter of courtesy. A matter of respect."After Killian got David's blessing and talked with Henry, all he needed to do was proposing to the woman he loved. But that wasn't quite as easy as he thought it would be and after he finally asked her, Emma's answer was not the one he expected.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one shot for my cs secret santa giftee. I really hope you like it. Feedback is appreciated! Enjoy!

Just a few hours ago David had handcuffed him to a bicycle rack so he couldn’t stop him from confronting his father. Now he was thinking about asking David for his blessing to ask Emma if she wanted to marry him.

They got closer and closer to Main Street, so he would have to ask him now. As David walked up beside him, Killian stopped him.

“David. Wait a moment.”

“What is it, Hook?”

Killian cleared his throat before looking down at his feet for a short moment. Why was he nervous at all? It was idiotic to be nervous. Despite the fact that he was convinced that there was no reason to be nervous, he had caught himself thinking about it again and again during the last days and weeks. 

Actually, he wanted to ask David incidentally, as if it wasn’t a big deal or as if he hadn’t thought about it half as often as he actually did. But at that moment he noticed that his plan wouldn’t quite work out. It wasn’t like he would desperately need David’s permission to ask Emma to marry him because he would do it anyway. Instead, it was more about having his blessing. Emma was a grown woman; she could make this decision all by herself. Killian was now aware that this world and this time was quite different from the one he grew up in.

In his time, the father alone decided who was good enough for his daughter and whom she would marry.

It had been customary for the girl to be courted and then to ask the father of the future bride for the hand of his daughter in marriage. It had been like this with his parents and it was normal for him. But despite the fact that it was apparently no longer so, he wanted to make sure he had David’s blessing when he would ask Emma. And Emma would either accept or reject his proposal.

Technically, he didn’t need to ask David, but it was still important for him to have the blessing of Emma’s father. It was a matter of courtesy. A matter of respect.

“I need to ask you something.”

“Then ask me. And hurry up it’s getting damn cold out here.”

When Killian looked in David’s face he found a questioning expression with a small smile.

“You know I love Emma, right?”

David’s look changed from questioning to baffled. “Yeah, of course.”

“Good, because I’d do anything for her. I would give my life for her.”

“I know, Hook. You already did once and I don’t doubt that you’d do it again,” said David, chuckling lightly.

“I want her to be happy because she deserves it more than anybody else.”

Now the look on David’s face turned back to questioning. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket and looked at him. “What is this about, Hook?”

“David, I want to ask you for your blessing to ask Emma if she wants to marry me.”

There. He’d said it.

His friend looked only a little surprised. “You want to ask her to become your wife?”

“Aye,” he answered. “I know this is a huge step and a commitment, but I love her. I’d do anything for her. And for Henry,” he added. “I know that he belongs to her, and I love the lad as well. He’s grown to me quite a bit. I’ll take care of her, of both of them. I want Emma to be happy. Your blessing to ask her would mean a lot.”

A little smile spread over David’s face before he boxed him lightly against his shoulder. “Yes, of course. You have my blessing, Killian.”

Killian felt how the tension that built up in him fell away. He had hoped that David would give his blessing but he wasn’t that sure. A smile spread on Killian’s face “Thank you, mate.”

* * *

 

After talking to Henry, whose opinion mattered as much to him as David’s, they had wondered what kind of engagement ring Emma would like. When Killian had told Henry what he was up to and asked him if it was okay with him, the boy was not overly excited. Not that Killian had expected him to be. Instead, he had sat there, looking at him speechless. 

Despite the fact that Henry hadn’t said anything, Killian knew what crossed his mind. The bond between him and the boy had become much stronger over the last weeks. They’ve spent much time together, went sailing almost every second day and Henry tried to teach him how to use the bloody video box. He still doesn’t really understand how it works but their bond is now stronger than ever. Although they got along quite well, he understands how Henry must feel right now.

It was always hard. He himself couldn’t have imagined his father with any other woman than with his mother. Even though he knew that Brennan Jones had married after his mother, and even had his younger brother, it was still a weird feeling. Something that was not easy to imagine.

Killian wanted Henry to know that he didn’t want to replace his father and that he couldn’t even if he wanted to. Nevertheless, it was important to him that the boy knew that he was there for him and could always talk to him or come to him if he wanted to.

“Henry, I know that maybe this is not how you’d want it to be.”

“You really want to marry her?”

“Aye.”

“And then what?” Henry suddenly asked after a while.

“What do you mean?”

“Assuming she says yes and you marry. What then? What will change then?”

“Nothing will change, Henry. Your mom and I would be married, maybe have the same surname if she wants to, but otherwise nothing would change.”

“And what about me?”

“Henry..”

“Do I have to change my surname as well? Will you be automatically registered as my father? What about me?”

“No, of course not. Everything will remain as it is for you. Unless you would want that. But no one will force you to do anything. You remain the son of your mothers and Neal remains your father. This will never change.”

“When Dad was still alive, I always hoped he and Mom would be a couple again. Perhaps they would one day marry.”

Killian remained silent.

“And then you were there.”

“Henry.”

“No, it’s fine. When I think about it now, it was pretty clear from the beginning. My dad hurt Mom pretty bad when they were young and she always had a thing for you. It was obvious actually, but back then I just would have liked it, you know?”

“I know,” he said, nodding slightly.

“I know you love her. And I know how much she loves you.”

A cautious smile formed on Killian’s lips.

“You’re important to her,” Henry continued. “And to me too. I’m happy for you.”

“You’re important to me too, Henry. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

* * *

 

Although it wasn’t that heavy, the box with the engagement ring felt heavy in his jacket. Today, he carried it with him, like he did mostly, to show it, David. Killian didn’t know whether Emma would like the chosen ring but he’d thought it fit her. It was classy and not too much. Not too big and not too many stones, but still striking and remarkable. Just like Emma.

He knocked with his hook on the door frame, like he did so many times before and got David’s attention.

“Hook. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I thought you might miss me. So, I wanted to come by,” he joked in a sarcastic tone.

“Oh, Sure.” David snorted and rolled his eyes slightly.

“I’m just kidding. Do you have a moment?”

“Yes, sure. Come in.”

Killian stepped into the room and closer to David, who stood up from his chair.

“I wanted your opinion on something.” With his right hand, he fumbled for the ring box with the ring meant for Emma. When he found it, he carefully opened it and handed it over to David.

“You got her a ring.”

“Aye, I did.”

“That’s, I mean.. wow.”

“What do you think of it? Do you think she’ll like it?”

“I’m sure she will.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. It fits her.”

Killian nodded. “I thought the same but I wanted to hear your opinion. Maybe it’s too much.”

“No!. No. I’m sure she’ll love it.”

David looked at the ring just a little longer before handing it back to Killian. “You’re really going all the way, huh?”

“Told you I would. I’m not backing out. I mean it. I’m all in.”

* * *

 

Killian had planned the proposal for days now, but whenever he wanted to pop the question, something came in between. Of course, something came in between. This was Storybrooke after all. Storybrooke couldn’t live without its savior. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t want her to be the savior, but she was always needed when he wanted to ask her if she was going to marry him and that was starting to get on his nerves. Every time his tension and nervousness grew and that frustrated him.

It was one night when neither of them could really sleep and they decided to go for a walk. The air was cold on his skin as they walked toward the port, holding hands and sitting down on one of the benches. 

They listened to the sea for some time, while he kept stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. The sound of the waves and the gentle wind soothed him. But it wasn’t until Emma put her head on his shoulder and gave him a quiet “I love you” that the knew this could be the right moment.

His proposal was nothing as he had planned it. It was nothing big or romantic. Just them in the middle of the night at the docks.

He had spoken to her softly before he’d kneeled before her and told her how much he loved her and that she was his entire world. Killian had seen her eyes widen for a moment as he knelt down in front of her.

“Killian..” she whispered softly.

He held her hand tightly as he told her everything he felt for her, how much he loved her and how much she meant to him. And he was sure that at the moment he told her that he had had something for her since she’d found him back then and then talked about her first adventure on the beanstalk, she had tears in her eyes.

Killian could have said so much but it was not hard to see how nervous Emma was at that moment. He squeezed her hand one last time before he let go and rummage around in his jacket pocket for the ring box.

“I’m completely unprepared,” he confessed to her smiling lightly. “It was planned differently, but something always came in between.”

Emma laughed slightly, but he could see how she was trembling. When he found the ring, he opened the small box with his fingers before he showed it to her.

“I love you, Emma Swan. More than anything else in this or any other realm. So would you give me the honor and become my wife?”

Emma stared at the ring in the ring box for a few seconds before she looked back to him. She opened her mouth slightly to say something but no sound came out. And for some reason, he could see how panic broke out in her.

It felt like a stab through his heart when he looked at her and could actually read her answer in her eyes. Killian cleared his throat. “You don’t have to say yes now,” he began. “Damn, you don’t have to say yes at all if you don’t want to but please, please say something. Anything, Emma.”

His heart still gave him another stab when he saw tears running down her cheeks and it was definitely not tears of happiness.

“Killian,” she whispered again, “I can’t marry you.”

“Oh.”

He didn’t know how to feel now. Killian would be lying if he said he was all right because he wasn’t. Somehow he felt deaf, but at the same time, it was as if someone would stab a knife into his heart again and again. Killian looked down at the ring box in his hand and swallowed before he closed it, but kept it in his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered as he got up.

“No, you don’t have to be.” However, he could not hide his disappointment either in his voice or in his face expression. Sighing, he dropped to the bench next to Emma and stared out at the water. Neither of them said anything. He didn’t dare to look in Emma’s direction.

 At some point, he put the ring back inside his pocket and then reached into his jacket to get out of his flask. Lifting it to his lips, he drank a gulp of the rum. He turned his head slightly into Emma’s direction and held the flask towards her, who then took it without a word and drank a huge gulp before she gave it back to him.

He didn’t even notice how cold it was. But he also didn’t care. He shouldn’t have put Emma under pressure. He had always given her the lead when it came to these things. He had waited until she was ready to say I love you, he had waited until she was ready to ask him if he wanted to move into her house with her.

Killian should have known better. He knew her well and knew that she ran from things she was afraid of, like a future. Yet, he had been so sure all this time. After everything, they’d been through. He knew how much he loved her, and she always made sure that he knew how much she loved him, that he was part of her family and that he was important.

“We have to talk about it, Emma.” If they didn’t talk about it now, it would be weird and tense between them. He definitely wanted to avoid that. After all, she had not run away, which he gave her great credit for.

“Okay,” was the answer he got.

“I’m sorry if that was too much or too rushed. I should have known better than pushing you into something you don’t want.”

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“Stop apologizing all the time, would you?”

“Emma.”

Emma turned to him and looked at him. “You didn’t push me into anything. And it was not rushed.”

“It wasn’t?”

A sad smile formed on her lips. “No, it wasn’t,” she confirmed. “I love you, Killian.”

Carefully Emma took his hand, at the same time brushed slightly over his jaw line with the other one and turned his head so that he had to look at her. “Did you hear me? I love you, Killian Jones.”

For a short moment, Killian pressed his lips together. “I love you, too.”

“I know. But I also know that you are hurt. And I am the one who hurt you.”

“Emma, no.”

“Yes. I know you, Killian. And I can see it. I can sense it.”

“It’s not bad.”

“Killian,” she said lightly warning. “Talk to me. No more secrets, remember?”

He sighed. “Maybe I’m a little hurt because I was hoping you’d say yes. But I’ll get over it, Swan. Don’t worry. Now I just fear that it’s going to be tense between us now,” he confessed to her.

She shook her head slightly. “It won’t be.”

Both were quiet for a while and stared out at the sea until Emma took a breath. “My turn.”

He turned to her and looked at her questioningly.

“We said no more secrets. And now it’s my turn with the truth.”

“Okay,” he encouraged her.

“The truth is that I love you,” she began.

“I know. You’ve just told me.”

“But I can’t marry you. Not now. Not when all of this is happening.” Emma stopped for a moment and searched for the right words. “These last weeks since I talking to Archie, It’s become more and more clear to me how much I want it all. My future. With you and with Henry and my parents.”

“But?”

“But with all this, Killian, I’ll die. It is only a matter of time, how should I think of a future? I can’t imagine a future, let alone hope for one because I know it will never exist. Do you understand that?”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that.”

“We’ll find a way, Emma.”

Emma sighed. “I know how much you and Henry want it and I want that as well but until then I just have to be realistic. Killian, when we were together in the diner and you played with Alexandra there, no idea there was something happening to me.

‘You were happy and I was happy because I saw that you’re happy. Right after that, I went to Archie because I realized I was jealous. Of Ashley and her life. Because at that moment, I realized that I will never have such a thing.”

“Emma.”

“And when you waited for me to ask you to move in, I needed so long because I was afraid. Not to live with you, but because you deserve to be happy, you deserve to have a future and I can’t give that to you.”

“That’s not true. Now, here, I am probably happier than I ever have been.”

“But how long? What if we plan this future and then I just die?”

“You won’t.”

“But what if?”

Killian sighed. “Emma, I promise you, I will never give you up and I know we’ll find a way. And even if not, what I won’t allow happening, we should enjoy the time we have and not think about what might happen.”

A slight smile formed on her lips and she ran her fingers over his jawline. “You’re incredible, do you know that?”

“I’ve heard it once or twice,” he said, licking his lips.

“And you are mine,” she whispered rather to herself than to him.

“Aye, just yours.”

Carefully, Emma cuddled up to him. “Killian?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t you understand?”

“What, my love?”

“Ask me again when we have put this behind us, okay?”

His heart made a leap. “Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Aye, I promise.”

* * *

 

This time he was prepared. The Jolly Roger was decorated with rose petals and lots of candles, which he would later light up to create a romantic atmosphere. He had never seen his ship like this before, and to be honest, he never thought he would ever see her like that. Killian would ask Emma in the middle of the ship. Where most of the candles and most rose petals were on the old wooden floor.

David had suggested he buy a new shirt, maybe a white one, for this occasion and he had really thought about it until Henry said he shouldn’t do it just because David told him. Henry had earned a look from his grandfather, but he ignored it skillfully.

“Wear something you feel comfortable in. And besides, Mom loves you the way you are, so I’d advise against a white shirt. That would probably confuse her more than anything else,” Henry explained with a grin. Henry would bring Emma to the docks under a pretext, where Killian then would wait for her, far enough away from the Jolly. Killian wouldn’t simply propose to her in the port of Storybrooke but on the open sea. Only them and no one else.

He hadn’t told David about his plan to propose to her tonight, but since he needed Henry’s help, Killian had inaugurated him.

“She should not even see what you’re prepared before it’s time. Maybe you should blindfold her.”

“Then she will know what I’m up to.”

“Even if. This won’t destroy the moment when she sees what you have prepared. I suppose it will make her even more excited.”

It was late afternoon when Killian prepared everything on the Jolly and waited for Henry to show up with Emma. Although he had already done this before, he was nervous.

It probably was because she didn’t say yes the last time, even if Killian was pretty sure that she would do so this time. What she had said last time whirred around in his head again and again: “Ask me again when we have put this behind us.”

Now they had put it behind themselves. Emma was alive. He knew she would be. He hadn’t even doubted her. He could still see in front of him how happy she had been that night, and he could still feel her warmth as she had pulled him and Henry into a tight hug.

For several minutes, she had simply held on to them.

His heart made a leap when he saw Henry and Emma appear at the end of the landing stage. To his surprise, her eyes were already covered with a scarf. He smiled when he saw Henry grin as Emma asked him questions.

“Henry, where are we?”

“Mom, just trust me.”

“Henry, are we at the docks? What are we doing at the docks? You know I don’t have time for these games. I have to go back to work.”

“Mom,” groaned Henry, annoyed as Killian got closer to them.

“That’s a pity,” said Killian as he grabbed her carefully with his hand.

“Killian?”

“Aye?”

“What are you doing here?”

Killian chuckled softly and threw a grateful glance at Henry, who was now slowly backing away from them.

He went a step closer to Emma, took her hand in his, and whispered in her ear, “I’m abducting the crown princess.”

“Is that so?”

Now it was Emma who came a step closer. The last step to close the small gap between them.

“Aye.”

Her chest and his chest were now close to each other, and he could feel hers rising and sinking against his chest. Her breathing was a bit quicker than normal, which was probably more than normal under these circumstances.

“And what if,” Emma began slowly and hoarsely, “the crown princess comes along with you by choice, Captain?”

“Is that so?” he repeated her question with a grin.

“Yes,” she breathed easily.

“Well then.”

Carefully he led her across the landing stage to the Jolly Roger, where he had to watch out that she didn’t trip or fall several times.

“We’re on the Jolly.” Emma realized without hesitating.

“We are,” he confirmed.

“Can I take the blindfold off now?”

“Not yet. It has to stay on a little longer.”

“Really?” she asked with a slight sigh in her voice

“I’m sorry, Swan. But I think I could make it a little easier for you. Come on.”

It wasn’t easy to get Emma down to the captain’s cabin, but when he led her to his bed and she sat down there, he unraveled the double knot in the scarf and took it off her.

Emma blinked several times until her eyes got used to the light.

“You have to promise me to stay down here until I get you, okay?”

Emma raised her eyebrows but then agreed. “Okay.”

Fortunately, the Jolly Roger was one of the fastest ships so it was not long until they left the port and Storybrooke behind and were on the open sea. It wasn’t until they were far enough out on the sea that he began to light every single candle, which took quite a long time. With Emma’s magic, it would have gone much quicker Killian thought as he lit the last candles.

He knew that it wasn’t perfect that Emma had to wait in his cabin but it wouldn’t have worked otherwise. Meanwhile, dusk was approaching and you sun set slowly on the horizon. Killian took a deep breath before he went down to get Emma.

“But you have to close your eyes, otherwise I will have to blindfold you again.”

“Okay, fine.”

On deck, he led her to where he wanted her. Just where the rose petals were scattered and in the middle of the candles.

Slowly he let go of her hands. “Okay, Emma. You can open your eyes now.”

As before, Emma blinked a few times before she looked around and observed everything around them.

“Oh, Killian,” she whispered softly after looking around. Around them was nothing but the blue sea and the sun set more and more on the horizon.

Killian swallowed before he took a step closer to her and took her hand again. “Emma.” His voice drew her attention back to him. “Do you remember the first time we saw each other?”

Emma smiled. “Which one?”

Killian laughed softly. “That doesn’t matter, love. Do you remember?”

“Every single time.”

“And the first time we kissed?”

Emma bit down on her lower lip and closed her eyes. “Of course. How could I forget?”

“And the first time you were jealous?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Don’t even try it, Swan.”

She laughed but nodded. “I recall it.”

“The first time we hugged? Or held hands?”

Emma nodded. “I remember.”

“Our first dance?”

A small smile spread on her face

“Our first date? And the first time we said I love you?”

Killian waited for a short moment until he continued. “The first time we slept next to each other? And the first time we woke up together?”

Another pause. “Do you remember the first time we made love to each other?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

He smiled at the memory.

“Our first fight? The first goodbye? Do you remember?”

“I do.”

“The first time we lost each other? To a curse or darkness or to death?”

She nodded with a painful expression on her face.

“And how we reunited?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember the moment you knew you love me?” he asked carefully.

She nodded again “Clearly.”

“I think it wasn’t hard to see that you’ve blown me away and you still do. Every day. Never in my whole life have I met a woman like you. So brave and determined and strong. Extremely cunning and clever, loyal and caring. And absolutely beautiful.”

Her cheeks turned slightly pink.

“Over the time we spent together, I’ve gotten to know you better and I’ve found out that there’s not a single thing I don’t like about you. At first, we were enemies, then allies, then friends and lovers. I was alone for such a long time, Emma. But thanks to you, I now have a family again. I have family and friends. I’m no longer alone.”

Emma squeezed his hand harder.

“You’re all and much more I could ask for. You’re not just the savior but you’re my savior. You saved me, Emma. Metaphorically as well as in real life. You gave me hope and something that’s worth fighting for. Right from the beginning, we were quite the team, weren’t we? It was strange to have someone with whom you have so much in common but it’s also nice to have someone I can trust and rely on. You love me for who I am with all my flaws and mistakes, with all my scars. You believe in me and you make me stronger and I’d like to thank you for that.

“After all these years of loss and pain and darkness, everything seems to make sense now. It all happened for a reason. So that I would find you, Emma. My love, my princess, my swan. We’re kindred spirits. You are my soul mate, my true love, the love of my life.”

Killian got down on one knee. “I don’t ever want to be without you again.”

He let go of her hand to get the ring but she kept holding his hook. When he found the ring and looked up at her again, she was crying. Tears were running down her cheeks but she was smiling.

“Emma Swan, I love you more than anything. Will you marry me?”

The engagement ring gleamed in the candle light.

“Yes,” she whispered softly and then pulled him up to hug him tightly. “Yes, you idiot. I want to marry you.”

Emma cried even harder when he put the ring on her finger. “I love you,” she whispered before crushing her lips onto his.

“I love you too.”

The sun was gone by now. It was just them in the candle light, kissing and holding onto each other.

“It’s perfect,” Emma said quietly when they had stopped kissing and rested their foreheads against each other like they always did. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

Killian smiled softly before pressing his lips against her forehead. “Everything for you.”

Emma looked down at the ring on her finger. “I never thought I would have this some day. I stopped dreaming about a life like this when I was a teenager.”

“Do we have to go home today? Or can we stay a little longer?”

“Not if you don’t want to. We have all night.”

“Good. I want that. Us. Here. Alone.”

“As you wish.”

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to @o-u-a-timer on tumblr who was my last Minute beta reader and to Sophie (@shady-swan-jones) who came up with the story name because my mind was a blank page when it came to it.


End file.
